24 Aug 23 and Us

August 25, 2001—that’s the day I married my man—my best friend, and he married me. Twenty-three years ago tomorrow, on a beautiful, steamy hot afternoon in Orlando, Florida—complete with a little liquid sunshine—John and I made a covenant before God, in front of our loving family and a bunch of wonderful friends, to love one another and represent the Lord through our marriage… as long as we both live. And we have done that—imperfectly—for these two+ decades of life together.

We have a marriage that both of us intentionally prayed for, surrendered to God, and trusted Him to bring us His best for us. John: a widower, had already had 30 years with Ruth Anne before she died. Me: single until I married John at 43. We each asked God for a spouse who loved the Lord more than we loved one another. That was the best way to start. And God has proven that over and over again.

“Thus far, the Lord has been good to us” – 1 Samuel 7:12

It has been a very good life together; one of marriage and ministry. Not of constant blissful happiness, but of a beautiful and deeply abiding love for one another that has carried us through, around, up, over, and in the middle of life and more of it. You know—all of the stuff life holds: the good and the bad, the happy and the unfortunately sad parts; the things that make you cry…and maybe cuss (it happens); the hilarious and the hurtful; the things you plan for and the things that surprise you; the things that take your breath away, and those that knock the breath right out of you. We’ve been through it and back…a lotta life in 23 years. Wouldn’t trade a minute of it.

“We pray for the big things and forget to give thanks for the ordinary, small (and yet really not small) gifts.”
― Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together

John and I love the marriage we have—it’s not a loud and flashy display, but a quiet, simple, beautifully ordinary walk in love. Some people might say our life together is a bit boring. But we say, boring is highly underrated. And that is perhaps the thing we love most about our beautiful ordinary marriage. It’s our marriage, and this is us.

So, while I am not ever going to write a book on marriage, I thought I’d just drop you a few pearls—23 of them—of what this beautiful ordinary marriage has taught me—and I think John, too.

1. My husband is a gift. My marriage is a calling that God assigned to me. How I take care of that gift, tells the world about God.
2. Marriage was God’s design. The One who designed it knows how it’s supposed to work. Ask Him daily for His help.
3. Without Jesus at the center of your marriage, you will not be able to experience the true joy and oneness that God had in mind when He designed marriage.
4. Learn your spouse. Study them: What makes them happy? What do they love? What interests them? Act on it.
5. Marriage has shown me how selfish I am, and how much I need Jesus.
6. Pray for your spouse. Pray with your spouse. Pray for your marriage. Never stop praying.
7. Stop fighting for your rights and start fighting for your marriage instead. Fight for it, because the devil certainly is. So, do whatever you have to do to protect it.
8. The partnership of marriage is not 50-50, but 100-100. Surrender it all to Jesus and give your all to one another.
9. Whether it’s finances or the future, or the way you do life together— marriage is not “me and mine,” but “us and ours.”
   Marriage is the tool that God uses to help us become like His Son. That’s the goal. As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another (Proverbs 27:17).
10. Marriage is the tool that God uses to help us become like His Son. That’s the goal. As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another (Proverbs 27:17).
11. The greatest joy is found in serving the one you married—for better or worse, in sickness and health. Go out of your way to serve your spouse.
12. Ask your spouse daily, “Is there anything I can do for you today?” And then do it.
13. Be the person your spouse most looks forward to seeing every day.
14. My Aunt Claudia once told me that humor, communication, and honesty are essential for a good marriage. She was right.
15. Talk to one another. And be a good listener.
16. For the love—learn to laugh at yourself. Do not lose your sense of humor. If you don’t have one, get one. Fast.
17. Laugh together—every day. Do fun stuff. Do funny stuff.
18. Dance around the house. Just because.
19. The priority relationship in your life is your spouse. Therefore, in private and in public, the words you say to them and about them should be respectful and kind, loving and supportive, they should build up and not tear down. So, watch your words; they have the power of life or death. Speak life to one another, and about one another, always.
20. Scratchy stuff is gonna happen. Not every hill is worth dying on. Keep short accounts and shake it off. And forgive generously.
21. Kiss and make up. Again.
22. Just pick up the dirty cup and put it in the dishwasher. It won’t kill you.
23. Maintaining your personal relationship with Jesus, and taking care of your own health are two of the greatest gifts you can give your spouse.
24. And one more: Marriage is hard work—but it’s the hardest work I have ever loved.

Something to Think About

Marriage is not for the faint of heart. It’s a climb, and climbs are hard. You get scratchy, and tired, and weary, and out of breath. I say so often that marriage is the hardest work I’ve ever loved. And it has been. Still is. Walking down the aisle was the easy part, comparatively speaking. Walking, hiking and climbing these past 23 years has been the hard and lovely work of life together. As with any climb, you have to plan for the unexpected—and the only way to plan for what you don’t know is coming is to keep your eyes on Jesus and your heart fully engaged with his. He’s your only hope of making the climb all the way to the top.

23 years ago, John and I said, “We will…” We will work together, we will walk together, we will climb together, we will fight for our marriage together, we will laugh together, we will forgive generously, we will plan and dream together, and we will go for a hike instead of telling one another to take a hike (it happens).

And we will keep climbing. After these 23 years, we still choose one another, because the view from here—from where our lives are this very moment—has been well worth the climb. I hope we get to keep climbing for a really long time.

So, my friend, keep climbing!

One More Thing

On our 15th anniversary I wrote something, and I thought it was worth sharing with you. For somebody out there about to start the climb or ready to give up…please read “Marriage— The Hardest Work I’ve Ever Loved.” I hope it encourages you.

So, this is us, John and me, at 23. Still loving and in love, still learning…still scratchy at times, still laughing, and still grateful to God for every minute of our beautiful, ordinary married life together. That is a sacred and lovely gift! Thank you, Jesus. And happy 23rd anniversary to us!

Until next week— don’t forget that you are greatly and dearly loved by The King! And let’s live our beautiful, ordinary lives like women who believe it!

I love you!
xo – P❤️